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Adoption
support group forming Martha
Hulbert and State
Senator Paula Benoit State Senator Paula Benoit of
Phippsburg, an adoptee, and Martha Hulbert of Woolwich, a birth parent, know
how the power of shared experience can change lives.� They also
understand that the varied parties to adoption rarely have an opportunity to
hear one another's perspectives.� When those
occasions do arise, the poignancy of information shared can be eye-opening
and humbling. "If you haven't been there, you
can't know the feeling.� There's an emptiness,
like a big hole, that won't go away.� I love
my mum and dad, and have a good life.� So why do I feel
like this?" It is not uncommon to hear adoptees use such imagery when telling family and friends
about confusing feelings they've known since childhood. Conversations with other adoptees often help ease feelings of isolation and
difference that are rarely understood by those who are not adopted. "If you've never adopted a child,
you can't know the sheer joy she's brought to our lives.� Though, it pains me
that our love seems unable to penetrate some elusive part of herself she keeps hidden and
protected." It is not uncommon for adoptive parents
to feel excluded from the depth and meaning of their child's relationship to
a secret world.� Talking with other
adoptive parents helps to normalize and understand the origins of behaviors seen in children raised
without genetic history and connection. If you've never lost a child to
adoption, you can't know how often I think of him; wondering if he's held and
loved.� It's kind of like a
quiet desperation. I've learned these
feelings can frighten people, so I don't speak about them. Birth parents, too, feel isolated within
their private truth.� They are often relieved to find others who are
willing to speak openly of the cultural secrecy and shame that has so colored
their lives. In the spirit of expanding an
understanding of adoption, a new support group is forming in the mid-coast
area. Adoption: Everything You Wanted To Know, But Were Afraid To Ask invites
adult adoptees, adoptive parents, birth parents,
grandparents, siblings,�spouses, and partners to join the group's first
monthly meeting on Sunday, February 11, from 1 to 3 p.m., at Mae�s Cafe and Bakery in Bath. Participants are invited to explore with
one another the actual lived experience of adoption as it is understood by
all sides. It is anticipated that the group's discussion will generate
healthful strategies, both personal and in the community, to address the
secrecy and shame that has defined For more information, contact Martha W.
Hulbert at 443-9876. |
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http://wiscassetnewspaper.maine.com/2007-02-08/adoption_support_group.html rev 2007-02-09